Jonathan "Gabe" Gabriel is the glorious and amazing protagonist of Penny Arcade and the comic alter ego of Mike Krahulik. He is frequently paired up with the less than worthy Tycho Brahe, although rarely the duo do part ways. Gabe is married to Kara (who is based on Kara Krahulik) and has two sons named Gabriel Gabriel (Gabriel Krahulik) and Noah Gabriel (Noah Krahulik).
Gabe is a caucasian man of average height with spiky black hair. He is most often depicted as wearing a bright yellow shirt with orange sleeves which has a picture of Pac-Man's blackened silhouette on it which is eating a black dot. He always wears a pair of baggy blue jeans with red and white sneakers. He has a favorite watch known as the Enthusiast's Timepiece which he and Tycho often kill each other over brutally; it is a digital gold watch that has an image of Pac-Man eating a dot. Unlike Tycho, he does not fear the sun and when going out on a hot day he'll wear a pair of dark blue beach trunks.
Gabe is typically seen as the less intelligent between himself and Tycho, although he does show some insight into topics at a rare level that can even confound Tycho at times and he is always shown as the more creative and artistic of the two, easily being able to humiliate Tycho with his artistic superiority.
He is an avid role-player and it has been known that he gets into costumes for different causes. He has been Hanzo (to enter E3), a ninja (to kill Tycho), Samus Aran (for kidnapping) and Spider-Man (to watch Spider-Man). Despite this, his interest in role-playing games comes and goes in waves - with the release of 4th Edition D&D, it seems to have come on more strongly, perhaps because of the MMO-like emphasis on combat that the system now relies upon.
He is a Pac-Man fanatic. He once even murdered Tycho over a Pac-Man themed watch and both continue to brutally murder eachother over it on several occasions. He has also, on three occasions, tried to kidnap the yellow character at conventions. Gabe had a restraining order placed against him after building a large round cage, for the obvious reason. Gabe also has a car with the registration 'PCMNFAN', referencing his love of Pac-Man. In an early comic he was depicted playing Pac-Man arcade next to a naked Tycho. He also has a Pac-Man tattoo on his upper arm.
He has a strange fascination with his own wang. He tried to get businessmen to invest in it. In the end, he altered Sim City and turned it into ding-a-ling town. He also attempted to construct a Lego replica of his wang, which he claimed was his life-long dream. His greatest feat however was when he attempted to make a grand construct of his penis in LittleBigPlanet to outshine all the other sausage wielders in a sea of cocks, he dubbed this mighty automaton/shrine to his wang Penisaurus Rex.
Aside from Pac-Man, he has a fascination with Star Wars, the love of his life. All the games are great in his eyes. He owns bed sheets of Endor's Forest Moon. Due to his love, he believes he knows everything to do with the series. On one occasion sometime ago, Tycho made a remark about no more future Star Wars novel releases, this angered Gabe to such an extent that he shoved a novel in Tycho's mouth while yelling "shut your filthy mouth" and then proceeded to punch the book through his head.
Between these powerful fascinations, it can be implied that Gabe is somewhat of an obsessive-compulsive. Beyond this, he also has an addictive personality. Gabe used to be a paint huffer, but managed to remove his addiction to it. It has since been replaced by an addiction to Pocky and other Japanese snacks that has proven problematic, given his diabetes.
When he has power over someone, he treats them as a slave, as seen in his relationship with Hector. As an example, he built a box to place the old golf caddy in if anything went wrong.
He believes himself to be the Mech King and has a crown to prove it. Div suggested that he should be the Princess of Fairy Country, a position he still aspires to ascend to.
It was discovered that Gabe has an appreciation for Patrick Swayze. He owns the Dirty Dancing soundtrack as he respects a man who can sing, dance and act. His father banned him from seeing the movie originally. The situation not been mentioned yet at Penny Arcade (besides the forum) about Swayze's death on September 14, 2009.
He was once chased around by a hunter named Brian. He attempted to keep the game of cat and mouse light to prevent anything terrible from happening. Several attacks later, such as a bear trap and a harpoon tossed directly at Gabe's head, Brian seemingly gave up on Gabe.
During one of his many travels across the desert, he freed a genie named Al-Farid from a mystical lamp and gained three wishes as a result. He wished for Starsong, a Metroid movie associated with John Woo and unicorn insurance.
He travelled through time through the use of a Time Helmet which was devised by Thomas Kemper, the cat. He went to a future store and hi-fived himself as it worked, which either almost shattered reality, or did shatter reality, thus explaining the non-linear, low-continuity nature of the comic.
After being inspired by Todd McFarlane's "cliche horseshit", he decided to create his very own comic character; Dr. Raven Darktalon Blood. He was able to afford a Dodge Viper with the money.
He loves line-dancing, which was revealed when he remembered about the Kansas City Hotsteppers at the Lonestar Showdown. He was injured during it, but managed to gain enough energy for the Dixie Twist; thus vaporizing the opponents (and, presumably, causing a severe amount of collateral damage).
He has been willing to camp outside a store in order to get a console. He did this to get a PSP. Ironically, he couldn't trade it for a new one, as Frankwanted his plundered youth back.
A few years ago, Gabe went through a backwards pants faze in an attempt to imitate Kris Kross, however this often caused him to soil himself in piss.
Gabe has always wanted to buy a BMX and do cool tricks off it and then become a professional BMX rider. He wants to be rad every day. The only way he figured of doing this is by selling a picture of the X-box 360 over the internet for a million dollars. He'd had the plan since he was eight, yet Tycho believed it needed revising.
He went on a journey of self discovery at one point. As he was on the train, he was almost raped by a homeless man, just as Tycho prophesised. Kenny Rogers saved him and helped him out, giving him words of advice to live by.
He ended up getting into doujinshi and collected several comics, even though he does not speak Japanese. He does, however, read "Lesbonese".
He also discovered that Blizzard was allowing people to die while playing World of Warcraft, as long as they did not cancel their accounts.
In the future, Gabe's son, Gabriel Gabriel, will attempt to explain how Gabe can fuse with the Core Mind. He will not understand how the Core Mind works and will think that the jacks on his right temple are gone, even though the CySurg was there to install them before.
Eventually, Gabe will live on to the year 8000 as a robotic octopus. He will finally recieve his DSL in that year after one thousand years of brutal alien rule. The alien rule was possibly caused when aliens attacked the Earth, as both he and Tycho discussed EA and MARVEL joining forces for new characters.
At some unknown point prior to 2023, the planet Earth was invaded by two races of aliens, the first being the oppressive dog-men known as the Canid who turned humans into their pets and later on the merciless Hrungnir. Both Gabe and Tycho were subjected to numerous torturous acts under the Canids as they fetched their frisbees and whatnot, then they were abducted and placed in organic alien pods in a flying saucer where he and Tycho discussed EA and MARVEL joining forces for new characters and EA's own "famous" characters such as "Football Guy" all while they witnessed the aliens ravage the earth. The event would forever be known as the Hrungnir Incursion.
After this point they apparently gained a form of pseudo-immortality and managed to live many centuries. Gabe and Tycho then live on to the year 8000 as preserved heads in robotic octopus bodies. The future is still held under the control of brutal alien rule.
Gabe is an artist; while he is terrible at Guitar Hero, he lives for the day that someone will eventually create Photoshop Hero.
Gabe was the legal representative for France. He wore a yellow Pac-Man tie to go with his suit. He carried a briefcase that supposedly carried laws and other legal items. He lost the case and was fired.
Gabe received his very own collosus monkey through the use of death threats.
According to the comics, Gabe owns his very own green-scaled Dragon. He received it after waiting in line for it.
As mentioned above, Gabe owns a unicorn named Starsong. He also owns a phoenix, which he originally attempted to pass off as a parakeet. His bluff failed miserably as the phoenix's fire consumed itself.
Along with mystical creatures, Gabe also possesses several Pokemon with Chimchar, Pikachu, Piplup and Torchic in his line-up. Unfortunately for them, he is an incredibly cruel trainer who forces them into boot camp like training methods and forcing them into their Poke Balls even though he knows they don't like it. His also had an Infernape, which died of neglect.
Alternate Identities Edit
Gabe has his very own alternate identities. In "We Just Got Bloody Roar 3", it was revealed that his zoanthropic form is a wolf.
He turned into The Game Detective for a short period of time as he tried to solve the death of Pac-Man.
After discovering a tube in "I Have No Comment", he soon became the Cardboard Tube Samurai. The Samurai is noted to be calmer and more collected than Gabe normally is, and may have established an existence of its own.
He has a Game Master identity entitled GM Gabriel. He is an aggravated and monstrous master.
When Gabe tried to skate with a skateboard with Tycho explaining why the idea was worthless, Gabe slid while on the board and fell, causing the board to launch at Tycho's neck, decapitating him.
He stabbed Tycho in the eye with a can opener in which, he stole Tycho's watch.
When Gabe was at a game store to buy Chaos Legion, another man asked for the game before Gabe could. In response, Gabe cracked his back by jumping on it, making the man cough out blood.
Gabe once got the last New Jedi Order book and then shoved it into Tycho's mouth as he told Gabe it was the end of Star Wars. Gabe then punched the book through Tycho's mouth and ripped his head apart.
He once punched a baby in anger as the baby was being a dick.
He controlled a Pikmin army and tricked Tycho into trying to beat them. Tycho was ripped to shreds and Gabe took his watch back.
In an attempt to cure Tycho's hiccups, he placed Tycho's hand on a table and then cut it off using a butcher's knife. He still had the hiccups afterwards.
He is a murderer who steals money from the people he kills. He managed to accumulate a thousand dollars, enough for two X-box 360s. Tycho was shocked.
He steals garden gnomes from his neighbors, creating his very own gnome death-cult.
When Gabe and Tycho were at Gamestop looking for Puzzle Quest Gabe kicked Tycho's head into the counter, causing his head to split in two after learning there was only one copy of the game.
When Gabe became a dentist to make money for new launch titles and consoles, he proclaimed that he was going to smash him with a pickle jar and other bloody tasks to do to Tycho to apparently "practice" being a dentist. Right in the middle when Tycho tried to explain why he wanted to object the, Gabe smashed Tycho with the pickle jar.
In "Fan Favorites, Vol. 2", Gabe proclaimed he was the Soul Calibur champion, and was killed by Tycho, who used a shovel. His watch was then stolen.
In "Cost Cutting Measures", Gabe's head was decapitated after he was punched in the face by a Super Saiyan Tycho.
Medical Issues Edit
Gabe once came down with the leprosy when he played Red Faction 2. He only realized when he went to use his arms and found he had no arms. He was cured of leprosy within a few days.
After curing from it, he took some horse steroids and turned into a horse himself, which freaked Tycho out.
He once tried to place both his feet on either side of a wall. However, the force of Gravity caused his bones to burst from his legs and cause intense pain.
Later, as he was in Tycho's car, the two fell off the highway due to snow and ice and Gabe was left bleeding and bruised, possibly unconscious. When he appeared in the hospital, he had a blood donation from Spider-Man and acquired powers.
Before he could go to E3, he came down with the hantavirus and parts of his face and hair started to fall off. He got a bag to take the falling skin also. He was so determined that when his face fell off completely, he tried to talk to Tycho about the Playstation 3. Tycho was freaked out.
He used to grind his teeth as he was nervous so he went dentist, which terrified him. The dentist gave him anti-anxiety drugs, but he was too scared to take them. He took one and was scared that it didn't work. He became worried over the idea that he could get addicted and not care about his addiction.
Super-human Powers Edit
Gabe seems to have the ability of using his mind to preform several tasks. Using telekinesis, he moved Tycho and smashed his head through the roof. He then knitted him a sweater. He also seems able to injure opponents by "hating them to death", although the only effect upon Tycho when attempted this was causing a minor nosebleed. This may be the result of innate, untrained talent with the Force, as it has recently come to light that Darth Vader or Yoda may, possibly, be Gabe's father.
He has a special dance move which was seen at the Lonestar Showdown. He used the Dixie Twist, which created an atomic power surge, thus melting the opponents. The Kansas City Hotsteppers won by default.
After an accident on a motorway, Spider-Man gave him some of his blood, Gabe discovered that he had organic webbing and was then able to use the powers of Spider-Man, much to the annoyance of Tycho.
In addition, Gabe may retain the nearly superhuman abilities of the Cardboard Tube Samurai when not in that persona; if so, there is a possibility that behind his dim exterior lies a nearly invincible, super humanly strong and agile Jedi that can fling webs from his wrists and chop people to shreds with a perfectly round tube, to say nothing of the potential synergy between spider-sense and force awareness.